I have a strained relationship with religion. I prefer to stand at the back of the church, on account of that weird burning sensation I’m sure we all get. That being said, out of all the world’s religions, I’ve often felt that Buddhism aligns with my worldview.
In short, Buddhism can coexist with causal determinism. Yeah, I know it’s more nuanced than that. But, tie that in to the fact that most of the meditation practices are arguably early variations of personal therapy, and you have the recipe for a pretty interesting belief system.
The Nottingham Buddhist Centre offers introductory courses to Buddhism, where they combine meditation with lessons and guided discussions. I don’t have many photos of the original sessions, out of respect for those involved. The nature of living in the Western world and exploring Eastern belief systems is that you have a room full of people who, by everyday standards, might seem a bit unconventional – myself included.
Stood outside waiting for the doors to open, I met a non-binary person who was seemingly in an altered state – spiritually or otherwise, and 2 hypnotherapists who stared intently at the floor, as if I might hypnotise them first. Everybody I spoke to was lovely and welcomingly open-minded, but a standard portrayal of the clientele at an M&S Supermarket, they were not.
We enter the centre and are told to get comfortable and to leave our shoes at the door. We all take name tags and sit comfortably waiting for a smiling woman with an awkward but endearing laugh to explain to us the tenets of Buddhism, and how they practice it. There’s no right or wrong way to do it and that Buddha doesn’t come as an Angry God™ to smite us if we don’t meditate following His rules. In fact, she insists pretty clearly that everybody is here for a different reason, and invites us all to share that reason.
Not wanting to go in-depth on my lack of sense of community, nor my wavering view of the world, I say that I’m ticking off a bucket list thing, and get a round of murmurs as people mention interest in the list. After parsing through some more information and setting up some expectations, we head upstairs to the meditation room.
We all sit down facing this great altar in the middle of the room. Some people are on pillows, some on mats, and some on stools.
The nice people from the temple all help us get into a comfortable position, where we make sure that 3 points of our body are touching the ground at all times. The idea is that it keeps the body grounded and stable, and it’s symbolic of the 3 Jewels of Buddhism – the Buddha, the Dharma (what he taught), and the Sangha (the community).
The guided meditation was very interesting. The words were about feeling resistance to change. After settling our focus deeply on those three points, we moved it up through our body, into a deep sense of our being. It’s comforting, you sit in a room full of people who are all equally as relaxed. At the front, someone directs your breathing, and helps you focus your mind. After the first meditation, I felt overwhelmingly relaxed.
Something worth noting is that every time I meditated, my legs fell completely to sleep. I recall waking up out of this trance-like state and rapidly shaking both legs and smacking the life back into them as I tried to get the blood flowing again. I tried to be subtle in a room full of soft smiles and crinkled eyes, and I’m sure that nobody noticed.
After the second session, I stumbled down the stairs.
During the meditation and in the chat afterwards, we discussed how pushing against the proverbial river was difficult, and that allowing change to happen, and welcoming new experiences was part of the key mentality behind Buddhism. Why would you push against the river?
The minute you accept that change in the universe is inevitable, and that we, as parts of the universe itself, are subject to the same laws of change, is liberating. And I don’t mean that you understand the sentence that you just read. I mean, you understand the idea behind it. Language is an imperfect tool to communicate ideas.
I took this to heart. I sat there with my legs crossed and realised that all throughout my life, I’d been resistant to change, resistant to struggle, and living with this constant fear of consequences. I realised that ✓ Project Bucket List in itself wasn’t just a call for change – it was a call for help. And I realised that, funnily enough, one particular person, whom I’d been speaking to every day at that point for months, kept creeping into my mind.
Why would you push against the river?
Approximately 12 seconds after I left the session, I opened my phone and sent her a message.
For the 15 minutes it took to get back to the car, I walked 2 feet above the ground. Who knew what the future had in store? A world of potential, and a world of change – and I wasn’t going to fight the river this time.