Trust me when I say – its weird that I don’t like spiders. I’m a proper bug man, give me beetles, millipedes, dragonflies all day, but I’ve always had crippling arachnophobia. I’ve had times as a full grown adult person where I’ve been paralysed with fear at seeing a giant house spider scarper under the curtain.
I’ve tried to combat my fear of spiders. I’d watched documentaries about spiders, I’d worked on CGI spiders as part of films (Gallowglass, dir. Ed Kirk), and I’d learnt all about their legs. Not the quantity, that’s old news, I mean the hydraulic systems inside the legs that actually make them move. Fascinating stuff, but I still don’t want to touch one, ew.
✓ Project Bucket List is about becoming a well-rounded person, and part of that is facing your fears, so I decided that at some point, I’d face the big one and hold a tarantula. Funnily enough, in my circles, tarantulas are pretty easy to find. As soon as I published the list, people read through and scoffed, “Pftsh, I can help you with this one,” – and time after time, I politely raised my hands and claimed that I was building up to it.
I was building up to it in the same way that the I solve that weird smell in the fridge – ie, sticking my head in the sand and pretending it wasn’t real.
On our herpetological trip to Arizona with World Life Global Safaris, we just so happened to coincide with tarantula mating season. During mating season, males roam around looking for females, who burrow deep into holes in the ground, waiting for sex and dinner, in that order.
During the night, you’ll be driving along these desert roads, and all of a sudden this dark shape about the size and shape of a tarantula will flash up on the ground ahead. Most times, everybody jumps out of the car to have a look, and Stu, the fearless leader, will do everything in his power to get the tarantula on his hand.
The first few times we stop for tarantulas, I keep my distance. There’s zero chance I’m going to hold one this early on, I’ve got to build up to it. I get close enough to grab a few photos, but that’s it – too close and that chill goes straight up my back and I have to step away.
It’s only the second night, when we’re roaming around the desert, when we’re joined by a gentleman named Wayne Gordon. Wayne used to be a teacher, and has spent his retirement years travelling the world. If he were to ever do a podcast, I’d listen to it, the man is a born storyteller, and a born teacher.
We find yet another tarantula wandering through the desert, looking for love, and somebody suggests that I should pick it up. I laugh and say no chance, I still need to build up to it. Wayne, in his dulcet tones says something to the effect of “everything will be alright“, and suddenly I’m under this calming spell. I hold my hand out, and the tarantula walks right onto it.
Pats on the back all around as I exit my drunken, hypnotic state, and I can’t really remember what I felt while holding the tarantula! What I do remember is how the tarantula felt to hold. Immeasurably light, like a small 8-legged cloud had crossed your palm, and remarkably soft.
We spent the rest of the night racing around in a dune buggy looking for snakes, which was far more enjoyable than facing fears, and I only have so much brain space before I have to start forgetting people’s birthdays, so forgive me for prioritising the good stuff.
A few days later, Kymberley joins us on the herpetological tour, and it takes her all of one night before she was offering her hand up with Wayne’s reassurance. The same magic that worked on me worked on her, and later, Tom. In fact, he made us all feel so brave that I held one again, leading to this magnificent picture of me looking like I’m begging for donations for a spider charity.
Just one day later, while exploring Mount Wrightson at night, we found an Orb Weaver spider strung across it’s web. As I got closer, that all too familiar feeling of fear shot up my spine to the base of my neck, and I stopped, confused. Surely, I’d held a tarantula; my arachnophobia should be cured?
Tom Marriot, Features Editor for Exotics Keeper Magazine, and fellow traveller on the expedition, gave me the clearest explanation: “Well yeah, because this one is more spidery“
Based on his credentials, I have to admit that he’s completely right. Orb Weavers are more spidery than tarantulas, which are more like 8-legged little gerbils than anything else. I can’t help but think that if I held more spidery spiders, I’d eventually get over my fear of them, but that sounds scary, and I already held a tarantula so I think we all just agree to let me have this one.
Turns out fears don’t vanish in one go. Tarantulas? Fine. Orb weavers? Still nope. I think that’s the whole point of something like ✓ Project Bucket List. You don’t just “fix” yourself in one fell swoop. You step up and do the thing you’d usually run away from. But when it comes to spiders? I’ll take the win and leave the rest to braver souls.
You can read about the other adventures that took place during our time in Arizona at any of the links below. Get ready for cowboys, Navajo, tarantulas, horse riding, and secret paintings in the Grand Canyon!
- Herpetological Study in Arizona ✓ – Herping through Arizona meant snakes, scorpions, acid toads, tarantulas, and a very special Gila Monster – and I loved every second.
- See Monument Valley ✓ – Cowboy hats, lassos, rattlesnakes, and Monument Valley sunrises… Arizona gave me the Wild West I’d always pictured, and then some.
- Ride a Horse ✓ – First time on a horse, and I picked Monument Valley at sunrise. Epic mesas, wild dogs, and a guide who hunts drones for fun. The Wild Wild West!
- See a Cave Painting ✓ – The Grand Canyon? Try the “Holy Fuck Canyon”. A brutal hike, six ancient reindeer, and an encounter with art that left me floored.